How to ask kids about their school day, and actually get a response!
As a psychologist, I often hear frustration from parents who ask about their child’s day at school and find that their child provides one word responses. It is understandable and instinctual that parents enquire “How was school?” when they pick their child up. They are eager to hear about what has happened for their child throughout the day and what they have learnt. But parents can be left frustrated when their child is not as eager to provide a response.
After a full day at school, especially at the beginning of a school year when it's all new, children need time to regroup before they open up. Here are some tips that you might find helpful to encourage your child to communicate and help strengthen your relationship.
Feed first
This was a concept made famous by Maggie Dent who has raised four boys so she would know! Maggie Dent suggests providing food first before asking questions. We all know what happens when we are ‘hangry’. Often children might forget to eat at school as they are too busy playing or it might have been a long time since they last ate something. Providing them with a snack allows their bodies to regulate.
2. Ask specific questions
Instead of asking generic questions like “How was your day?” or “What did you do in school today?”, try to ask specific questions that require a more detailed answer. For example, you could ask “What was the most interesting thing you learnt in class today?” or “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” Asking specific questions will help your child focus on specific aspects of their day and will give them a starting point for sharing their experiences.
3. Listen actively
When your child is talking about their day, make sure to listen actively and give them your full attention. This means putting down your phone, turning off the TV, and making eye contact with your child. Show them that you are interested in what they have to say and that you value their thoughts and feelings.
4. Avoid judgment
When your child shares their experiences with you, it’s important to avoid judgment and criticism. Even if you disagree with something they say, try to be open-minded and empathetic. Remember that your child is still developing their own opinions and beliefs, and they need your support and guidance to navigate the world around them.
5. Celebrate successes
When your child shares positive experiences from their day, celebrate their successes with them. Praise them for their hard work, and show them that you are proud of their achievements. This will help build their confidence and encourage them to continue working hard in school.
6. Validate emotions
If your child shares negative experiences from their day, validate their emotions and offer empathy. It’s important for your child to feel heard and understood, even if you can’t fix the problem. You can say things like “That sounds really tough, I’m sorry you had to go through that” or “It’s okay to feel upset, I understand how you’re feeling.”
In conclusion, asking your child about their school day is a great way to stay connected and involved in their education. By asking specific questions, listening actively, avoiding judgment, celebrating successes, and validating emotions, you can create a safe and supportive environment for your child to share their experiences. Remember that communication is a two-way street, and you should also share your own experiences and feelings with your child. By doing so, you can strengthen your relationship and help your child grow into a confident and resilient individual.