Fostering self-compassion in your child, and how is it different from self-esteem
As a psychologist, I often work with parents who are concerned about their child's self-esteem. While self-esteem is undoubtedly important, it's not the only factor that contributes to a child's mental health and wellbeing. In recent years, there has been growing interest in the concept of self-compassion and its potential benefits for children's emotional development.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem refers to how we feel about ourselves in general. It is a judgment we make about our worth as a person, based on our accomplishments, abilities, and how we perceive others see us. Children with high self-esteem tend to believe they are capable and worthy of love and respect. They are more likely to take healthy risks, have positive relationships, and bounce back from setbacks. On the other hand, children with low self-esteem may doubt their abilities and worth, leading to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and depression.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion, on the other hand, involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and support when we experience difficulty, failure, or suffering. It is recognizing our common humanity and acknowledging that everyone struggles at times. Self-compassion involves three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness means being gentle and understanding towards ourselves rather than criticizing or judging ourselves harshly. Common humanity means recognizing that we are not alone in our struggles, and others experience similar difficulties. Mindfulness involves being aware of our thoughts and emotions without judgment or avoidance.
What's the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion?
While self-esteem and self-compassion share some similarities, they are distinct concepts. Self-esteem is a judgment about our worth based on our abilities, achievements, and external factors, while self-compassion is a way of relating to ourselves with kindness and understanding, regardless of our successes or failures. Self-esteem can be fragile and easily threatened by failure or criticism, while self-compassion provides a stable source of self-worth and resilience.
Why is self-compassion important for children?
While self-esteem is important, research suggests that self-compassion is actually a stronger predictor of overall well-being. Research has shown that self-compassion is associated with numerous positive outcomes, including lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress, and greater emotional resilience, life satisfaction, and motivation. Self-compassion can also help children develop a more positive attitude towards themselves, even when they face challenges or setbacks. It helps children learn to be kind and understanding to themselves, and in turn, more empathetic and compassionate towards others.
How to foster self-compassion in your child?
Encourage them to be kind to themselves. Help your child understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that they deserve kindness and compassion just like everyone else.
Model self-compassion. Show your child how you respond to your own mistakes or failures with kindness and understanding. This will help them learn to do the same for themselves.
Help your child develop a growth mindset. Encourage your child to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as threats to their self-esteem.
Remember, self-compassion is an important part of overall well-being, and it’s a skill that can be learnt and practiced over time. By supporting your child in developing self-compassion, you are helping them build a strong foundation for a happy and fulfilling life.